Purpose

All righty everyone. We're getting really personal lately on this blog. 

So as I've been looking towards the future and noticing how my life is different than I thought it would be at this point in my life (don't we always feel that way?) I realized I need to lock down my purpose in life. Whether I have children or not, whether I'm working or not, and whether I'm home or traveling or wherever. What is my purpose?! 

Usually my mind is pretty clear. I figure things out quickly. I can see the logical explanation and why it makes sense. But as I thought about my purpose I had to explore a little more than I usually do. Which was awesome! And I realized finding my purpose was part of my purpose. 

I am so grateful for direction from church leaders. They did not dictate my purpose, but as I was reading and studying from the truths that they share I could feel through the Spirit that this is my purpose. 

My purpose 

1. Increase in faith and personal righteousness.

2. Strengthen families and homes.

3. Serve the Lord and His children.

"Relief Society has within its commission some of the most remarkable service opportunities on earth, which are available to all sisters. In my travels across the world, I have seen that the thousands upon thousands of you who do not currently have a husband or children are an incredible reservoir of faith, talent, and dedication. No one is better positioned than you to work in temples, serve missions, teach the rising generation, and help those who are downtrodden. The Lord needs you." - Julie Beck

Build up people through piano. Give them confidence and bring the Spirit. 

Provide funds to strengthen our family and get out of debt. 

Work in the temple. Attend the temple. 

Be healthy through exercise. 

Do my visiting teaching diligently. 

Serve my family.  Pray for opportunities to serve my family. 

Limit leisure and excessive social activity. 

Read from the best books. 

Cultivate my talents. - culinary arts, music, teaching etc. 

Fulfill my callings to their fullest. 

Keep our house clean so the spirit can dwell here. 

Receive personal revelation through obedience, scripture study, and prayer. 

Blog or journal about experiences. 

Cultivate new and old friendships

This list could go on and on of good things that are not necessarily spiritual but still build up my purpose each day.   

I feel empowered, confident, and productive when I look at my purpose. It really gives me direction in the choices I'm making right now in life.  I also really love the part where I can be accountable for living up to the purpose that I found. So I hope to blog and journal about different experiences in my life that come from knowing my purpose. 

And probably the best part of all this is that when our children do come my purpose will not change. My task list might change, but the purpose will remain the same.

Here we go. 

Done. And totally worth every minute.

This year was a very very difficult year as a teacher.  For all teachers everywhere and for me personally.  

Pressures from the Federal government, the State, the school district, administrators, students and especially parents has made teaching about the worst gig going on around here.  It's truly sad that this is what it has come to for all these nurturing people who want to help and do their best.   

And me.  Me too.   (Because this is my blog and I write about my stuff.  Haha.) 

After much prayer and consideration this year, Hunter and I have decided that I will take a different road after this week. 

I am extremely lucky that I am Done.  DONE. 

It's quite hard for me not to get very descriptive right here, right now.  Hard not to complain.  Hard not to gnash out on all the unfair, unjust, completely dishonest events that have occurred this year because of naive, hurtful parents or a completely corrupt school district.  

So instead I will be happy.  And rejoice.  And reminisce on all the fabulous times and students and teachers and parents that I have been able to work with, to teach, and to love.  

I loved having my own classrooms where I could create, and build.

I loved chatting with teachers each day and working towards a common goal.

I loved warming the choirs up, showing them how to breath, how to form their mouth, how to "smile with their eyes".  

I loved that day when all the parts finally came together!  Even if it was just for one measure or one chord!  And everyone laughed and smiled once we heard that beautiful sound.  

I loved concert nights.  When everyone was dressed their best.  When we felt good as students and teachers- musicians-  andwalked off stage knowing that we had given our heart in that performance.  

I loved Monday mornings when we'd all talk about our weekends and get to know each other better.

I loved those special parents who gave so much of their time to help me and help the kids.  

I loved field trips.  Where we sang at the mall and shopped for Secret Santas and the Salvation Army and sang at the top of our lungs in the bus. 

I loved choir party days.  Mexican food.  Donuts. Chips.  Nina's bean dip. Puppy chow. And even pancake parties. 

I loved teacher luncheons where we could laugh and laugh and laugh and support one another with all that was required of us. 

I loved those times I taught drama.  The plays.  The musicals.  The late practices.  The cast parties.  The talent shows.  The lip syncs.  The monologues.  

Their faces when they saw the drama room for the first time.  

And most especially.  I love those students who made it all worth it. The ones who have confidence now that they are musicians.  The ones that would talk to me before class and during lunch.  The ones that went out of their way to help me out.  The ones that understood why we should work so hard.  And they saw that all that work was worth it. The ones that remembered due dates.  The ones that had water fights with me. The ones that cared for the kids who are left out.  The ones who tried out for solos.  The ones who when they sang they made me cry.  The ones who wrote me letters of gratitude and encouragement and love. The ones who begged to sing instead of have a "free day".  The ones who found their passion for music in my classroom.  

Some of those sweet SWEET children are forever engrained in my heart.  They make me know that my time as a teacher was completely and 100% worth it.  They make me cry as I write this and know that I will miss THEM.  Specific memories are clear in my head.  Memories that I will happily remember forever.   

So even though I am done.  I ache a little as I see this time in my life pass.  Because being a teacher, especially a music teacher, has been totally worth every minute. 

Children

Mother's Day was last Sunday and I've been thinking all week about myself.  

(That makes me laugh when I say it like that.)

It's curious to me why I am not sad, or bitter or angry that my children are not here yet. 

People ask us all the time about kids, and once they find out that we're "trying" and "have been for a while" they want to give condolences. 

 And I super appreciate that.  And how loving everyone is. 

 But in my mind I literally think "oh, why are you sad for us? We're okay.  Our children are just not here yet."

Of course some days I whine because I am impatient and want them NOW. 

And I continually study and pray as to WHY I have to wait.

And I get butterflies when I think of when babies will actually be MINE. 

And I am so so so so so GRATEFUL that the Lord blesses me so much, especially with comfort, peace and assurance that they're coming.   My heart and body are calm and ready and know that when it's time it will all make sense.  And that this is such a FUN time right now.  While Hunter and I can continue to prepare in EVERY way to be parents. While we can serve in different capacities than we will be able to once they're here.   That I can nurture and be nurtured in so many different ways with the freedom that I have as I wait for them.   

I am a mother, my children are just not here yet. 

I miss my kitchen

Today I am free.  

I am free from rehearsals with unwilling children.

I am free from after school commitments and meetings.

I am free from preparing for next week.

Because next week, school's out!  

Last night was my last choir concert of the year.  It was absolutely remarkable and I am very proud of my students (and myself) for making it really happen.  These last concerts (at each of my schools) made the end of this year totally worth it.   Despite their excessive talking, their lack of responsibility and their laziness at times, these 12, 13 and 14 year olds are TALENTED.  And they proved their worth in two fabulous concerts.   Great job. 

And now that is all DONE.

And I am free.

And today I got to cook in my kitchen again. 

And I amazed at how I literally miss my kitchen.  And cooking.  

I missed throwing tilapia, olive oil and lemon pepper seasoning in foil for the grill. 

I missed my measuring cups when I leveled out the brown rice.

I missed my spices.  Hello spices.  

And I missed my wooden spoons.  Wooden spoons are the best.  I might write about them later. 

Anyways, now that life will even out again and Summer time is just around the corner... I hope to see a lot more of my lovely kitchen.  And a lot less of junior high kids.  (Still love them, though!)