Crimson and Clover

Late tonight I met Kristen for a milkshake.  As I drove, I turned on a random song from my ancient ipod.  The one that has all my favorite music from ten years ago when I first got it.  I pushed a bunch of buttons without looking and ended up on Crimson and Clover by Tommy James and the Shondells.  I have that song in there twice.  And if that was the only song on the whole ipod I'd be just fine.  I love when I feel that way about a song.  Like.  This song right here, this one, is my favorite of all time and forever.  I turned it up so so so loud.  I couldn't get it loud enough.  I was mad at my car for having a lame stereo.
Then I remembered my old 1992 Lexus that I drove around in college.  Ten years ago.  That car had a killer stereo.  Music could always get louder.  I would drive home from late, super late, nights out with friends.  Maybe just talking for hours and still forcing ourselves to go home.  Or a great house party where I got to meet tons of new people.  Sometimes we would all be in the desert having bonfires and rappelling off mountains at midnight.  Lots of times that year it was a small group of friends who we'd be together every weekend. Those friends that I still feel so very close to when I run into them here or there these days.
Yeah, I'd drive home from these deep nights of fun.  Of pure fun and play on the brink of my adulthood.  Still playing like kids, but trying to grow up, talking about growing up.
Jenny and I went to some concerts that year that I still can't believe how passionate we felt about them.  Shows that I would feel jitters from five days later.  Feeling like that show was the best time in my life.
I would drive home late at night with my music blaring.  Thinking about all the thoughts and feelings that my new young adult mind and heart had to process.   I would cry because he still hadn't held my hand.  Or be so giddy from a hilarious conversation.  How did my naive little personality handle all those feelings?
And then I added to all those late night feelings with all that music I always had blaring.
Tonight was oddly very similar to those nights long ago.  Ha- only ten years.  But ten years! I met a friend late at night and we drank milkshakes in my car and talked about life for hours.  I drove home alone.  At midnight.  With music so loud.  I thought my speakers would break.  Really.  I loved this song so much that all my feelings- some similar to those at 19- some the absolute complete different end of the spectrum- felt amplified and huge and powerful.  My mind and heart wrenched with passion.  I missed those days.  I love these days.  I saw how much is still the same.  And how much more is not.
I think I remembered though, how much better my life is with loud music.  In the car. And at night.

Ten years now I have a different car.  Some new friends. I am never rappelling at midnight. Or ever. And fewer nights alone.  But I have true love.  He always holds my hand.  And I have that same passion and that same ipod playing Crimson and Clover that can never be loud enough.